That Damn Lorelai Gilmore
by Puppets Blizzt
Summary: One-shot. "It didn't mean anything!" The look in Luke's eyes was a millennium of sorrow. A look into Luke's thoughts with a different outcome.


**Just a little idea I came up with. This is strictly a one-shot, as _Secrets and Regrets _and _A Little Piece of Heaven _have all my JavaJunkie plans. I don't need to diversify the possibilities any more. x)**

**And to all my S&R and ALPOH readers, I AM working on them. I have the next chapter of each planned out, and I plan to work on them tomorrow. I'll hopefully get at least ONE chapter up. (:**

**DISCLAIMER: If I owned Gillmore Girls, Lorelai wouldn't have married Chris. End of story.**

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"It didn't mean anything."

The look in Luke's eyes was a millennium of sorrow. _Nothing?_ It couldn't mean nothing. No, he was sure Lorelai had sung to him the other night. Who else would she be singing to with such emotion? Rory, sure, but… "So goodbye; please don't cry. We both know I'm not what you need…" Rory would always need her, she knew that. But then, why pick the song? Luke rationalized that the song wasn't chosen solely for Rory, but perhaps someone else, too.

Him.

As much as he hated to admit it, and he never would, Luke had "Google"d the song's lyrics when he returned to the diner that night. Luke wasn't well-versed with music, but it wasn't hard for him to distinguish the name and artist.

_Bittersweet memories_

_That's all I'm taking with me._

_So goodbye, please don't cry;_

_We both know I'm not what you need._

_And I will always love you._

_I will always love you._

_I hope life treats you kind_

_And I hope you have all you dreamed of_

_And I wish you joy and happiness,_

_But above all, I wish you love._

_And I will always love you_

_I will always love you_

_I will always_

_Love you._

Those were the words sung directly for him. He was absolutely certain of this; she had looked straight at him.

Agh! That damn Lorelai Gilmore.

"_But above all, I wish you love."_

That was a wish that could never be granted, so long as she truly thought that she didn't deserve Luke and that Luke didn't need her. She was wrong; He did. He needed Lorelai Gilmore in his life. Had she forgotten? _Because once Luke Danes is in your life, he's in your life forever. _The words work both ways, but perhaps Lorelai hadn't realized that.

Like her and her coffee, Luke needed the Gilmore to live.

He _needed _her crazy outbursts.

He _needed_ her bubbly attitude.

And most importantly: he _needed _to see her smiling face every day.

For, it was _she_ who kept him alive. It was _she _who kept him happy. And without her: he would die. This realization wasn't hard for him to come by, but Lorelai still seemed to be blissfully oblivious. This fact was obvious with her nonchalant statement of the song being "nothing."

That _damn _Lorelai Gilmore. Why did she have to make things so complicated?

That night… he had no words for his feelings.

Sure, he knew what Lorelai thought. He could read her like a map. The words had been pretty clear: "I will always love you."

She couldn't help it; she wanted Luke. But she would distance herself. And now? Now she was in denial. And this made Luke extremely upset. Why deny her true feelings? Was she ashamed? Shy? No, Lorelai Gilmore was _anything _but shy. So why deny the truth? Luke couldn't think of a good reason. A sigh of annoyance escaped his lips.

His feelings, on the offhand: unclear.

Sure, he loved Lorelai. He loved her from the start; for ten years. Ten _long _years, he waited for her. He let her go through man after man, watched as she crawled repeatedly back to Chris.

And what did he do? He waited patiently on the sidelines. He kept himself as far away from her love life as he could. Which wasn't easy, and most certainly wasn't enjoyable for the diner owner.

Max. He was an okay dude—Damn, Zack was growing on him. There was that one time, of course… after he broke up with Rachel, who basically _told_ him he and Lorelai were meant to be together. Why hadn't he listened? He had tried…. And failed. If only Max had come later. Would things have been different? Would he and Lorelai have been together sooner? That question would always haunt Luke Danes for his life. He and Lorelai could have had a longer relationship – a happier relationship – a _thriving _relationship. If only. Luke might have gotten used to Max had it not been for that single run in. _I'll always be around._ He had told Max that. And it was true. He would always be there for Lorelai.

Alex; the creep. He didn't like him. He was… well, he couldn't imagine Lorelai with a guy like Alex. Enough said.

And then there was Jason Stiles. Wow, he was misguided. As he recalled, Jason had sued Richard and believed that Lorelai would still date him. Even _Christopher _wouldn't be that stupid. And _that_ was saying something. And, Jason was rich. Well, maybe not rich, but he sure as hell wasn't poor. Lorelai never went for those guys! Sign number one he knew the Jason affair was over before it even began.

And lastly, Christopher Hayden. Now _this _man, Luke really did loathe. He hated him with burning, fiery, everlasting passion. On more than one occasion, he had attempted to steal Lorelai away from him. And that didn't fly well with Luke.

Hell, he had even succeeded once.

Christopher had actually managed to marry Lorelai, a feat Luke never thought could be possible. Many had tried, and many had failed. And for _Chris _to be the one to marry her… it made him sick. That moment had greatly depressed him. After calling Lorelai for help with April, he had noticed the ring on her finger. The _stupid_ ring. He had eventually heard through Eastside Tilly, however, that the Christopher and Lorelai marriage wasn't exactly up to par. And this had pleased him, though Chris's departure from the Crap Shack pleased him even more.

It was then that he realized he had another shot. But he had blown it; he had done nothing. Oh, how he had blown it. Blown it like a nuclear explosion. Yes, that's how bad it was. There had been many chances to redeem himself, but he had failed them all; either lost his nerve, ran out of time, or became at a complete loss for words.

That damn Lorelai Gilmore. Why did she always have that effect on him?

But today, he wouldn't blow it. Not again.

"It didn't mean anything?" he echoed hollowly.

He turned around from the coffee pot, lifelessly pouring coffee into Lorelai's already partially-filled coffee mug. Babette and Patty anxiously glanced between the two, their eyes wide with immense fascination. Lorelai looked up in surprise, shaken by his voice.

"N-n-no…" she stammered.

"No?" Luke echoed again.

"I—" Lorelai broke off. She threw her head in her hands. Shaking her head as an attempt to clear her mind, she looked up again.

"I don't know…" she sputtered.

"_You don't know?_" Luke asked.

"Oh, honey," Patty chided from beside Lorelai, "For goodness sake, stop repeating everything she says. You sound like a broken record."

"Patty…" Luke grumbled. Babette nudged the woman's side.

"Suga'," she said to Lorelai, "we're gonna get outta here. Maybe make a Morey sandwich."

Luke raised an eyebrow, "Babette?"

"I mean… 'Make Morey _a _sandwich,'" she corrected gently, though her eyes betrayed her.

Luke grunted his disbelief, but the two gossipers were already heading out the door, leaving the two of them alone. At last.

"No Luke, I don't know."

Luke sighed. Her reply was so harsh, it almost made him cringe. Almost. He threw his dishcloth onto the counter and stared at Lorelai.

"Lorelai," he started.

"I-I have to go," Lorelai excused herself.

She laid down a few bills on the counter, swung her purse over her shoulder, and made a beeline for the door. Luke watched in bewilderment.

_You gonna let her get away again?_ The voice inside his head asked. Great, now he had voices inside his head. He replied steadily, however. _No, I'm not._

In a haste, he hurried after her tossing a "Caesar, you're in charge 'til I get back!" over his shoulder as he went.

He hurried outside after the retreating Lorelai, who was only a few paces ahead. He caught up quickly, grabbing her arm gently but gripping it firm. The woman spun around.

"Luke—" she shook her head, unwilling to say much else.

_Luke, I don't love you. You've got to let me go. You've got to move on._

She wished she could say that. But she couldn't. It wasn't true; she loved Luke Danes. She really did. And the song? It meant _everything. _Not nothing – far from that. A tear glistened in her eye.

Luke stepped closer. With his free hand, he gently wiped the tear away.

"Lorelai, look at me," he said softly.

She could feel his breath on her cheek. She gave in and met his gaze; calm and friendly… inviting…. Lorelai forced herself to stay focused. No distractions. Not even the "on sale" sign in the window two buildings over pulled her from her stare. She offered a small smile. Luke didn't return it. Great, Serious-Luke time. Just what she needed. She shifted uncomfortably.

"Tell me that it didn't mean anything," he said.

Lorelai blinked. That wouldn't be hard, right? She had told Patty and Babette just a few moments earlier. So shouldn't it be easy?

Wrong. Wrong, wrong, _wrong._ As far from right as wrong could possibly be. She knew the truth: she had only said that to get Babette and Patty off her back. Everyone knew how much of a bother the two of them together could be. But it seems the plan had backfired completely. She hadn't counted on Luke overhearing. She hadn't counted on this moment.

She looked away. Luke's posture shifted in an attempt to regain her attention, his neck craning slightly to attract her gaze.

"Lorelai…" he prodded.

"Luke, stop," Lorelai said hoarsely.

The man obeyed. He waited patiently. Awkward silence was shared between the two.

Lorelai pondered it over.

"I—" her voice faltered and she pulled away briefly. As her body broke contact with his, she couldn't help but feel a little lonely.

The familiar touch of Luke had _always _been her guidance, her support. For many long months it hadn't been there, and she had felt lonely being capability to describe. Yes, Chris had been there part of the time, but it wasn't the same. _It wasn't the same._

But now it was within her reach again. And for the brief time she had it, she cherished. It was within her reach; again. And she wouldn't mess this up; not again. _Never _again.

"I—I didn't mean it," she croaked.

Luke's heart soared. He smiled, for the first time in a long time. His eyes softened with relief.

"You didn't?" he asked for clarification. Lorelai gave a short laugh.

"Don't make me say it again," she pleaded.

"Alright-okay," Luke apologized, "So… why'd you say it, then?"

"Babette… Patty… you know how they can be," Lorelai trailed.

"Oh," was all Luke managed to say in response.

"I--… Luke, you can't honestly believe I sang that song and it had no meaning. We _both_ know that's not true," she reeled.

Luke nodded deftly.

"I know… I love you, Lorelai," he mumbled.

Lorelai stared for a moment. In the ten years she had known Luke Danes, she had _never _heard him say that as straight and serious as he had just done. In fact, she wasn't sure she had _ever _heard him say 'I love you' to anyone. Touched, she smiled.

"I… I love you too, Luke Danes."

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